Ice and snow brought me deeper into myself than was prepared to go. When I first heard the bleak weather forecast, I welcomed the chance to hibernate with my family. That I live in a climate with four distinct seasons is a plus for me. I enjoy the cyclical nature of the year and mark each quadrant of the year with ritual and ceremony. When I worked in a climate-controlled office, it seemed important to take note of the year. I was far removed from the ways of my farming ancestors, and I wanted to honor the cycles that used to be vital for survival.
But this is my first year being in the world without my job, so I have become aware that my circumstances demand a new way of interacting with the seasons. I no longer have to worry about commuting in the ice, but I have become more fully responsible for my kids when they are off school due to the weather. I am home after all. My daily writing and painting rhythms, which took me all of autumn to cultivate, fell away in the face of late school starts and early dismissals. Icy sidewalks and winter gusts of wind kept me from my regular walks. Without my job to draw me outside, I began to feel confined. When I could no longer stand it, I took my kids and a friend of my son’s to the local laser tag arena and soundly beat them all with my score. (Do not give a housebound mother or a disenchanted writer a weapon.)
While it was a worthy outing, I try not to let discontent author too many acts of aggression. (Laser-tag therapy can get quite expensive.) Instead, I have sought out coffee houses where I have introduced myself to strangers over a cup of dark roast. I took a couple of yoga classes. I’m still not sure if Kundalini Yoga is the style for me, but it has been a lovely diversion. I toured art galleries and talked to managers. And I expanded my web presence to include a gallery. In many ways, I am like a seed or a bulb, sending out tentative shoots. Maybe I would have done it anyway, but I thank the winter weather for forcing me to nurture my dark places and reach beyond them to the hopeful triumph of spring.
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